Building Up, Not Breaking Down: Giving Constructive Feedback
In one of my previous roles, I watched my friend leave the company after receiving poorly delivered constructive criticism from her manager, which left her demoralized. Why did that happen?
First, let's talk about why constructive feedback is important.
Why is it important?
Netflix's studies show that positive feedback makes us feel good (our brain releases oxytocin). However, it does not have a significant impact on our success or performance (No Rules Rules Netflix book).
Constructive feedback, however, can greatly impact our performance and success.
But how do you deliver it?
It's hard to hear bad news about your work as it triggers feelings of self-doubt, frustration, and vulnerability.
It turns out that it's possible to create a culture of candor where everyone gives and receives constructive feedback (especially from employees to leadership) without people feeling threatened or crushed inside.
Use These 3 Hacks to Deliver Constructive Feedback:
Do It 1-On-1
Receiving feedback in front of a group alarms the feeling of danger in the human brain.
From the primitive times, our brain is on the lookout for signals of group rejection, which means isolation and death sometimes.
If someone calls you out in front of your tribe, the amygdala sets off a warning “This group is about to reject me” and the natural instinct is to flee.
It is 2023 now, but some of our instincts remain the same.
Display "Belonging Cues" While Giving Constructive Criticism
“Belonging cues”, which are described in “Culture Code” by Daniel Coyle, answer basic questions in our primitive minds like “Are we safe here?", "What’s the future with these people?", "Are there dangers lurking?” while receiving constructive criticism.
Belonging cues will answer those questions and the receiver won’t feel threatened.
You could show appreciation through a subtle tone of voice or by looking into someone else's eyes or moving closer to them physically.
It might determine whether the receiver will improve 10x tomorrow or will leave the company demoralized and crushed instead.
Make It Actionable
Don't just say "You lack structure in your speech and projects", instead say "If you were to work on X, here is how it would impact our business outcomes and your personal growth. Consider using these growth resources I put together for you".
Make it actionable. Don't just tell them they suck. Suggest actionable steps on how they can improve and the kind of impact it would have on their performance and company's outcomes.
As a good leader, you should propose a growth plan as to how they can improve this specific skill or an aspect of their work.
The End
To sum this up, it is important to deliver constructive feedback in a way that does not leave the recipient feeling threatened or demoralized.
This can be achieved by conducting the conversation in a one-on-one setting, displaying "belonging cues" such as a subtle tone of voice or physical proximity, and making the feedback actionable by suggesting concrete steps for improvement and the potential impact on performance and company outcomes.
By following these tips, it is possible to create a culture of candor where everyone feels comfortable giving and receiving constructive feedback, ultimately leading to improved success and performance for all.
As the one receiving constructive criticism, what have you wished was taken into account or done to make you feel safe and empowered?
Spoiler: Next week, I'll share some hacks on how to receive feedback and turn it into your own personal growth engine.